First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
