this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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