Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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