Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
