Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
