I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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