GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
