If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
