Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
