Plan B is the new Plan A
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
