New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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