It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
