woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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