Don't you send me to vm
id be glad to
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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