It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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