Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
