I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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