Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
