Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
