Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
