yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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