do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
