I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
