Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
