Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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