I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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