If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize