everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize