I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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