okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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