All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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