It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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