Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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