She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
