Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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