Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
