Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Panties = found
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
