dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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