he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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