Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
