I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
