aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
