Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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