So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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