he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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