I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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