I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
