I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
