i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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