i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
