I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
