hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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