so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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