tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
