Say something about gay babies.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
