So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
