I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert