Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.