Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
