I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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