Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
