I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
