So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
